Blog Migration

I've finally come to terms with the fact that this blog's title is freakishly long (albeit awesome), and in consequence you can now find me at http://whatmightycontests.blogspot.com/.

Christmas Vikings

Unsure what to request as a holiday gift? Vikings are this year's hot accessory.

Thanks to your Viking, snow removal will no longer be a problem: the heat from his manly chest will cause it to flee in terror.

Boy trouble? Not after your Viking deals with him.

Slick roads? No problem! He'll pull you on his wolf-drawn sled...

Or carry you pillion on his eight-legged steed.

He'll even deal with those pesky historical accuracy snobs.

Best of all, when next year's shopping season hits, he's got you covered.

Come to think of it, why don't you ask for two Vikings? That way you can share one with me.

Alternatives to the Stair Method of Paper Grading

Diamond BFFs

According to a recent CNN article on holiday shopping, “Diamonds have always been a girl’s best friend.” This got me thinking... what if they really were?

We’d hang out together...

go shopping...

offer moral support...

and be each other’s wingwoman.

I had believed that DeBeers created the diamond myths that were later perpetuated in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. However, CNN has now corrected my misunderstanding. Diamonds have always been important companions for women.

So there you have it. Diamonds are not a source of strife and bloodshed as cited here, here, and here. They are, always have been, and always will be a girl’s best friend. Who needs human beings when you have shiny pieces of carbon?

Eggconomics: The Options Market in Poultry Gametes

...or, “Why I Have Three Mostly-Full Cartons of Eggs in My Refrigerator”

It all started a few months ago when I was baking a cake for a dinner party. I bought a dozen eggs and used three of them to make a lopsided but delicious tower of chocolatey goodness.

This left me with nine eggs. Obviously I wasn’t going to cook real food just for myself, so I decided to make the remaining eggs edible with as little effort as possible. I tried hard boiling some on my archaic electric stove, but this resulted in a war between my laziness and my impatience.

Okay, thought I, I’ve got some butter left; I’ll just fry them in the skillet. This resulted in quick, palatable eggs, but the cleanup left much to be desired.

Some time later, I was providing snacks for the scholastic bowl team I coach, so I pulled out the egg carton and looked at the date. Because the “use by” date was ten days past, I put the carton back in the refrigerator (I was okay eating slightly-old eggs, but I certainly wasn’t going to inflict them on anyone else) and drove to Jewel to buy a fresh dozen.

You can guess the rest. My new mostly-fully carton became fridgemates with my old mostly-full carton, and these were joined by a third carton when I baked for yet another event.

The problem, you see, is simple economics. I can buy six eggs for $1.39 or twelve for $1.89.

Odds are that I won’t need more than half a dozen... but what if I do? Invariably I choose to pay an extra fifty cents in order to have the option of using those extra six eggs.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go buy eggs – my church group is coming over tomorrow, and I’m making brownies.

A Day in the Life: Monday, November 22

Step One: Drag somnolent, corpse-like figure into early morning faculty meeting.

Step Two: Teach five classes and supervise one study hall.

Step Three: Plant tulips in a thunderstorm.

Step Four: Learn what a "float valve" does.

Step Five: Go to sword fighting class.

Step Six: Drag massive amounts of bags to the curb for refuse pick-up.

Plagiarism

In other news, Randall Munroe is brilliant.